“I believe that many who find that 'nothing happens' when they sit down, or kneel down, to a book of devotion, would find that the heart sings unbidden while they are working their way through a tough bit of theology with a pipe in their teeth and a pencil in their hand.”
C.S. Lewis - Introduction to "On the Incarnation" by St. Athanasius
11.02.08
Posted in Literature, Uncategorized at 5:40 pm by Adam B.
It has been a few years since I read Ender’s Game and I thought I would give the series another chance. I didn’t really enjoy Ender’s Game but I was desperate for some new friend-recommended books that I could get my hands on without going to a library. This was the first to come across my desk.
For those who don’t know, Ender’s Shadow is about a character in Ender’s Game named Bean. This book tells the same story as Ender’s Game, just from Bean’s perspective.
I loved it!
The psychological journey of Ender was not so impressive to me, but Bean held me captive from the very start. Every character in this book was not only believable but sincerely cared for by Card. He knew them well and gave them ample opportunity to explore their personalities. Besides Bean, my favorite character was a nun that floated in and out of the story. Instead of using her as an opportunity to show some dark underbelly to the Catholic church Card wrote a beautiful character that was sincere in her faith and love for others while being savvy enough to function in the real world. Rarely have I seen such grace displayed in modern writing when dealing with a Christian character. All too often Christians are either two faced or idiots (or both), not real characters but a caricature of some Christians’ worst and most misunderstood qualities.
Bean’s personal journey from being defensive and self-centered to genuine trust and affection was brilliantly accomplished. I appreciated how he was misunderstood by those he cared for but was powerless to change their opinion of him. He was both great and incomplete in his heroism, for in the end he was never able to connect with people the way Ender always could. If I remember right, I didn’t care for Ender because he had an emotional insight into people that I found frustrating as a reader. Bean, who was also insightful but on a more intellectual plane, was more acceptable to my sensibilities.
It is hard to tell if I enjoyed this book more simply because I identified with the main character more, or because Card had really developed as a writer. I may need to go back and reread Ender’s Game to find out.
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10.31.08
Posted in Friendship at 2:31 pm by Adam B.
Every person who loves themselves (that’s everyone) wants to change, for no one is completely satisfied with who they are. In fact, how we wish to change offers clues into our inmost desires. This must be taken with a grain of salt for everyone wants to be, say, smarter, better looking, stronger; but when we desire these things for ourselves we are really just acknowledging their inherent goodness. We all want to be “better” than we are and so we naturally desire good things. It is only the desires that we pursue that offer insight into our souls. Sure, I would like to be better looking, but that doesn’t mean I will stop wearing flannels, use Rogain, or get a nose job. Yes, I can appreciate the utility of good looks, but frankly, who cares? We would all like to be more generous, more disciplined, more green (perhaps), but it is only when we fight to become what we are not that we see who we really are.
In light of this, why do we insist that our friends, our families, our wives accept us “as we are”? Such a curse I would never wish upon myself or any other man, the curse of a life lived in the dark and unscalable depths of stagnation and atrophy. This is a life without hope, for hope is nothing more than the assurance that things will improve. And yet we demand with viscous ferocity, “treat me this way, as a man without hope! Don’t try to change me!”
Don’t get me wrong, I know that’s not what we mean when we say, “Don’t try to change me!” We are looking for acceptance and delight in our unique qualities. When someone points out a flaw we hear them whisper through their words, “you’re not good enough… you would be better if you were more like somebody else.” In the face of such audacious subtlety we reject their critique. We put up a guard that shouts from his tower, “I’m fine just the way I am. I don’t need to change for you or anybody.” This guard becomes so loud he drowns out the voices of our former dreams, the voices that longed for and believed that we could change. In our own defense we kill hope.
While acceptance is a critical element to love, it does not represent its totality. We love ourselves, and yet we do not just accept who we are but often long to change. Why shouldn’t those who love us long for the same thing? Perhaps we don’t believe that someone could love us the way they love themselves. How can we tell when a suggested improvement is for our own benefit or theirs? Must we perceive sinister and selfish motives lurking behind all words that push for change?
Some change is natural and obvious: a boy becoming a man, a student entering the work force, a padawan becoming the master. This kind of change should be both pursued of ourselves and encouraged of others in its proper time. Some changes may be more like the seasons or as ice turning to water to steam. As we mature we must own up to the responsibilities of each season, of each stage of life, whether it be learning to use money and credit wisely or fulfilling the responsibilities of marriage. While these changes may be more profound they are both necessary and good.
The change that should rejected is more fundamental to our person: when a dog tries to be a cat or a nerd rejects his nerdyness in an attempt at jockishness. This is against the core of personal being and should not be pursued. This does not mean all radical change is unnatural, for ugly ducklings become swans and caterpillars, butterflies. But for a spider plant to pursue the life of the rose is to reject all that makes a spider plant beautiful and good. We cannot ask this change of ourselves and we cannot accept this demand from others. Still, in something as complicated as life it takes wisdom to know the difference between the necessary metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly and when a nerd is just trying to be a jock.
A healthy person accepts who they are while always demanding change for self-improvement, both for the sake of themselves and others. A healthy relationship should also be characterized by these parallel tracks of acceptance and hope for improvement. True intimacy assumes both a knowledge of another persons sincere desires, and a willingness to help those (good) desires come to pass. For the one who wishes to improve himself, a true friend will come alongside and encourage that improvement. At times loyalty will demand that the friend continue to help this one in their pursuit of change, even when it goes against their immediate wishes. It is here that the temptation to retaliate with, “Don’t try to change me!” will be the most profound. But if the relationship is to be characterized by trust and mutual love this temptation must be resisted. Such great loyalty will indulge in hope on your behalf even when you have given up on yourself. Let it never be cast aside! Here you have found one that loves you even when you do not have the strength to love yourself. Here is a hope that can conquer fear, if only your pride will allow it. In place of an accusing finger shouting “Don’t”, instead offer outstretched and open arms speaking softly, “Help me, my friend.”
Lord, in your mercy, help me.
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01.19.08
Posted in Life at 6:25 pm by Adam B.
Today I attended my first meeting of the PDX yo-yo club. Before I say too much I must dispel any false impressions you may have. This is not some club for nerdy, puny, middle school yo-yo freaks who have been ostracized from the football field, basketball court, and chess club. No, only adult nerds attend this club. I haven’t fit in anywhere this well since Science Olympiad.
The yo-yo you see here is designed and manufactured by one of the members. It is making quite a splash in the yo-yo scene these days, and even an Old Skool yo-yoer like myself can appreciate its subtle allure. It is called the Project, and it specializes in all the tricks I can’t do. Purchasing this yo-yo is my first step into an uncharted jungle of mad yo-yo skills. With their help I am already working on a few new tricks. The other members said it will be an even trade if I will teach them how to talk to children. (That comes up a lot if you’re a yo-yoer). When I told them I worked for a family with eight kids they were quite impressed.
By the way, if your interested in learning to yo-yo and you live in Portland, OR you can keep up with the PDX club at http://portlandyoyo.blogspot.com or you can visit my yo-yo trick video how to site, http://yotricks.com
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11.20.07
Posted in Literature at 5:39 pm by Adam B.
So, the other day I am talking to a friend about how frustrating it is that I can’t get my hands on the books I want to read. I’m like, “they should make it as easy to get a book as it is to rent videos. You know, I just go down to the local video store and give them a buck or two and I have a movie for a whole week.” Then I started to expound on this awesome idea I had about setting up an online community book swapping thing.
He was unimpressed. “Why don’t you just go to the public library?”
Now, you will have to excuse me for the moment, but I was not at all familiar with this word “library”. Unfortunately, the only thing “public” that came to mind was restrooms, so I thought my friend was making a crude reference to the “literature” that graces the walls of such locals. After we sorted through the misunderstanding he informed me that a library is a place where you can read books without buying them. I was intrigued.
I did a search for “librarys in Portland Oregon” and it turns out there is a public library as close to my house as the local video store. Fancy that. I decided to visit it this afternoon. Like the video store they asked me for my personal information and ID and issued me a rental card. I quickly found the books I wanted and went to the register. (The Phantom Tollbooth was all checked out. Typical.) As the woman scanned the books I handed her my library card and thumbed through my wallet for some cash. When I handed her a five she said, “No sir, we don’t need that. This is a library.”
“Oh, sorry. This is my first time. Do I pay when I bring them back?” I asked.
She gave a wry smile, “That’s not how it works. You don’t have to pay anything.”
I returned her wry grin, “Okay, what’s the catch?”
“There’s no catch, sir, as long as you bring them back before their due date-”
“Ah ha! What? Outrageous fees? Is that how you get us?” I said pointing my finger at her and standing very tall.
“If you bring the book back late it is 10 cents a day. Are you finished?” She seemed suddenly impatient.
“Yeah… uh, thanks.” I was dumbfounded. What a crappy business model. How do they make any money at all? Well, I guess I shouldn’t look a gift book in the binding. Either way, you will all be happy to know I have found the local “library” today and I start reading your recommended books.
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11.14.07
Posted in Writing at 1:34 pm by Adam B.
I have received helpful feedback from many of my readers and I have made some important changes to the structure and content of the book and it is almost ready to send to a publisher. I have an “inside man” at Zondervan (my current publisher of choice) who has said he is excited about my book and that he will read my proposal and sample chapters. I have a book on crafting good proposals and it notes the importance of the writer settling on a good title. It admits that most books will have their title changed by the publisher but it chalks this up to writers not taking the time to find the right title for their work.
Thus far I have been using the title Naked Worship: Rethinking Modern Worship Lyrics and Spirituality. Unfortunately there are several reasons I believe this title will not make it all the way through the publishers gauntlet. First off, for a Christian book (hopefully) published by a major publisher it is rather edgy. Secondly, it has not been well accepted by my readers thus far (it seems to be a love it or hate it type of title). Third, many Christian organizations would firewall a website entitled nakedworship.com. I still like the subtitle but I feel I am only being idealistic thinking that a title like Naked Worship could be accepted. Still, the title is captures the essence of the book better than anything else I have come up with.
For those of you who have not yet read or completed the manuscript I will summarize my approach. I have tried to reduce the concept of “Worship” down to its core elements to see if Modern worship has really captured the essence of biblical worship or missed the mark. Essentially, I argue, worship is loving God. This allows me to bypass the fruitless word studies about worship that have plagued every worship book written since 1980. (I say they are fruitless because the word studies and analysis of “critical passages” on worship always seem to say exactly what the author wants them to say. Two books with completely opposing opinions will use the same verses and sections to make their points. This is because passages that use the word worship are never about how to worship or what worship is but assume that the reader already knows what they are talking about when they use the word “worship”. Writers have capitalized on the vagueness of these references to expound their own ideas that have little relation to the text at hand.) Since worship is loving God I write about love instead of “worship” because the Bible does have a lot to say about that. Chapter 1 and 2 look at the biblical view of loving God. Chapter 3 looks at faith (the foundation/motivation of biblical love). Chapters 4-6 deal with worship in the psalms (How has God been worshiped/loved in the past). Chapter 7 addresses the dilemma of manifest presence in modern worship.
With that understanding, what should my book be called?
I liked the word naked because I am trying to strip away all the preconceived ideas and traditions about what worship should be and look at worship at its core. I thought of the words “essential” (like essential oils) or “distilled” or “core” or “refined” (each modifying “worship”) but none of them captures what I was really trying to do. I have also considered a less aggressive form of “naked” like, Worship Unadorned. I do like that. I also thought about Raw Worship but that doesn’t carry quite the right connotation, and besides, someone already has the domain (though they are not using it). So here are a few titles. What do you think, do you have anything better?
Naked Worship: Rethinking Modern Worship Lyrics and Spirituality.
Worship Unadorned: Looking at the essentials of worship to rethink Modern Worship lyrics and spirituality.
Pure Worship: Looking at the essentials of worship to rethink Modern Worship lyrics and spirituality.
(Your title here).
Perhaps I need something longer than a two word title… Any comments, suggestions?
BTW the cover design is something I put together a while back. Obviously this would not be the final cover even if the title gets accepted. Still, I like the concept.
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11.06.07
Posted in Code at 10:13 am by Adam B.
I did my first experimenting with online store building over the weekend. I found a plugin for Wordpress that integrates a fully functional store right into your blog. Of course, as with any type of coding, it was easier said than done. After many tears and pleading, both towards God an my computer, I discovered that my theme was incompatible with the store. Upon further investigation I discovered that the header in my theme was the culprit. With a few quick clicks I refitted the header and we were good to go. I have shown you this site before but now it is a fully functional store. Take a look at Theta Threads.
Who would have known that building online stores is addictive? After I finished Theta Threads I decided to use my new expertise to add a store to the King’s Yomen site. Unfortunately, I designed the King’s Yomen webpage in my dark age of coding, before I discovered Wordpress, so I had to setup an entirely new site. Within 5 hours I had built the entire page, populated it with product (I had already made the images and copy for some fliers), and debugged the code so it works well in all the different browsers people are using. Wordpress rocks! So, if you are in the yo-yo mood you can now buy, online, the same yo-yos the King’s Yomen sell at their shows and use when they perform. Amazing!
I am seriously considering building Wordpress sites as a side business. Not only are they faster to create than a typical website but they are interactive (web 2.0, if you will) and they can be fully maintained by the user once they are built. The store that I am using is easy to setup and plays nice with most browsers. (It does have a minor bug with Safari, and I am told that it crashes older versions of Safari completely. Meh.) I will have to see how it works when orders start pouring in. By default it supports paypal, but it can be upgraded to accept credit as well. Good times!
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10.26.07
Posted in Literature at 10:54 am by Adam B.
So I started reading Dune two weeks ago. I had to stop… almost immediately. If there are 5 things I hate about literature this book does them all. I hate that the main character is supposed to have super intuitive powers. I hate that everything is given a kookie alienish name. I hate that I have no clue what is going on, and every page only makes things worse.
After my first failed attempt to enjoy this book I put it down for two weeks. I tried again last night. It only added more fuel to the fire. So far the only thing I have enjoyed is his description of the fat baron. Now I want to read this book, I want to enjoy it, honestly, but he’s got to give me something. So please, if you have read this book, give me a reason to give it one more try. I am starting to think I hate science fiction. Maybe I should try Jurassic Park instead.
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10.23.07
Posted in Writing at 11:29 am by Adam B.
As we mature we learn more about ourselves, if we are careful. I know the weaknesses of my natural disposition, so I diligently pursue the cure.
Thinking is effortless, but writing takes courage, and it is all too easy to fall back on lesser goals and dreams. It is not that the fight is too difficult, or the labor too intense, no; it is the thought of what lies ahead, the task as envisioned by my imagination that hastens my first step down a path that is much less formidable in reality than in my mind. And so I delay. I check the news, see if the Irate Gamer has posted a new video on YouTube, check the news again, get some tea. I cannot be defeated if I never begin, and it is easier to put off beginning if I know I don’t have time to finish. So day after day slips by without engaging the dream.
I have found a quick antidote to fear: pressure. I will not learn Greek on my own, but I will learn it for a grade. I won’t learn how to build a store for my website except I need to eat. Necessity is the mother of invention and the slayer of that dragon, Fear. But alas, some dreams cannot be forced in this way for they produce no income and have no external pressure pushing us forward. Here is the abiding dilemma, fear must be conquered from within.
After sufficient struggle I take that first step, and even as the journey begins I find myself too easily swayed by my timid heart. I would rather live in my former delusion that my work is too laborious to complete, that my heart and mind are not up to the task, than accept the facts that what I am doing is not as difficult as I thought. So that I might not be proven wrong I work half-heartedly. As a half-man cannot hope to accomplish anything he sets out to do, I soon discover that the work really is too much for me. But in a strange turn I do not find myself comforted in being right, but angered that my dreams have over-reached my abilities. This fury, while achieved through much wasted time and psychological self-deception, is the elixir I have earnestly sought to overcome my fear. Fury to fight, fight to battle, battle to tears, tears to perseverance; all in a lonely room in front of my computer screen.
The Intellectual Life is a book that has confirmed my suspicions about how I should live. It has brought order to the chaotic musings of my mind and has given practical direction for ordering a life devoted to study and giving. In light of my reading I have come to some idealistic conclusions for ordering my time. As life changes I will need to adjust, of course, but for now this small schedule might help tame the dragon within. So here it is:
I have discovered that 5 hours a day is more than enough time to accomplish all the “work” I have to do. This includes school, web design, King’s Yomen details and house management. I have also seen that 12:00 to 5:00 is the best time to accomplish these things. Consequently, anytime before 12:00 can be spent on other things. I have decided to devote 8:00 to 10:00 to reading (never school reading as that falls under my work time). This is because I need something to stimulate my mind in the morning and it is the most enjoyable and least fearful task before me. I say “8 – 10″ and not “two hours” because this motivates me to be use that time for that task, and I cannot just put it off until later. Between 10:00 and 12:00 I eat and write (hence this blog). If this regiment is successful I may be blogging more, or perhaps I will spend more time working on the various projects I have considered since finishing my former work.
This schedule makes all the time Chrissy is at work (8-5) valuable and helps curb some of my tendencies to put things off or to grind everything to a halt while I attempt to complete a “prioritized” task. I know this regiment is idealistic, but idealism is a good motivator for me and this will help me accomplish all the things I love, reading, writing, and finishing my work. I highly recommend The Intellectual Life to anyone who hopes to write or influence others through the accumulation and exposition of knowledge. It is written by a Catholic monk so it is both thoughtful and holistic, that is, it considers the entire person and their relationships when teaching about truth and life. I haven’t enjoyed a writer this much since Lewis or Dallas Willard.
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09.21.07
Posted in Writing at 12:35 am by Adam B.
As many of you know I have been preparing a book about worship, and I am happy to say that the first manuscript is finally completed. Stephen Fitzmaurice and I dreamed up this book while we were still in IL, and I have spent the last four years learning the writer’s craft so I could bring the dream to life. The time has come.
The next stage is to prepare a book proposal that I can send to publishers to convince them that my books is worth publishing. Before I do this I would like to get it in the hands of people I know so they can read the manuscript and give me feedback on things I can improve. When I had completed the first few chapters early on, the help I received from my readers was invaluable in the learning process. You can imagine my excitement now. If you would like a copy, send me an email with your home address and the number of copies you would like (in case you would like a separate copy for your husband/wife or children or neighbors or friends or relatives or pastor or worship leader to read at the same time as you).
The competed work is over 75,000 words which is about twice the length of the thesis I will have to write for my current degree. The book is aimed at worship leaders, pastors, and college students studying church worship or spirituality. The book was written to be practical and accessible to these groups, and it is intended as a challenge to some of the trends in worship today. I have taken a somewhat unorthodox approach because, in addition to the seven chapters, introduction and conclusion, I have also included two stories that illustrate the main themes in the book. These two stories make up over a third of the book’s total length. The are my first attempt at story telling on this magnitude, and I have learned a lot in the process.
Legally, the book is already protected by copyright, but I will be submitting a formal request soon (maybe today) to protect the work between now and publication. They say completing the manuscript is only half the work. I hope that’s an exaggeration.
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09.13.07
Posted in Language at 10:52 pm by Adam B.
I had no idea I could be dated by my sense of humor. I recently came to terms with reality when the youth group kids told me Seinfeld wasn’t funny. What!?! Isn’t Seinfeld the height of comedic expression??? So I asked them what they thought was funny. “Scrubs… ha ha, yeah scrubs, I love that show. It’s so random.” I gave it a test run. Not so funny. It was then that I realized a new era of humor had emerged, and I had missed the memo. (If you just thought of TPS-reports when I used the word memo, you’re tracking.)
I think humor is kind of like music. Every generation has humor trends they follow, and if you are too legit to quit you will know what is acceptably funny and when to go “ooooooaaaaaahhhhhh”. (That is the sound my wife made when I was told her the name of a villain in the Tick comic series was Apocalypse Cow. Personally, I laughed just now typing the name into my computer.) But you might wonder, is humor really as trendy as music. Let’s take a walk through time, shall we?
In the twenties, thirties and forties lots of famous comedian teams left their mark in the newly invented movie pictures and television. So what was funny back then?
Slapping people and pies to the face. The Three Stooges were one of the most popular comedy teams of their generation.
Slightly more sophisticated, word-plays and puns. This tool of comedy was perfected by Abbott and Costello who are best remembered for their routine “Who is on First.” What few people know is that this routine was one of dozens that used exactly the same formula, the straight man talking about something while the “comic” thought he was talking about something else. While much of their comedy centered around playing with language, they also offered much in terms of physical humor as well, plenty of kicks and slaps.
Somewhat simultaneous and later you enter the joke age. You have people like Milton Berle and Bob Hope constantly writing new jokes to keep their audiences entertained. These one-man comics perfected the “art” of setup-punchline. Jokes made these men wealthy and famous. Kids tell them now.
In an interview, Bob Newhart, when thinking about becoming a stand-up comic, said he realized the age of jokes had passed. He effectively delivered a new style of comedy, the one-sided conversation. Using a phone as a prop the audience would have to imagine what was happening on the other side of the line. Newhart was the first comedian to put out a comedy record and it went immediately to #1 in the charts. In 1961 he won a Grammy for the album and was named New Artist of the Year. He released a second album and it went to #2. It would have made #1, but his first album still held the top spot. In an age when Sinatra reigned supreme, this was quite a feat. You can still buy these on CD, Button-Down Mind and Button-Down Mind Strikes Back.
Newhart moved the comedy game from jokes to story telling. Bill Cosby perfected it. His DVD Bill Cosby: Himself is still the best stand up I have ever seen.
This brings us to the 80s. Up until now this may seem like an evolution of humor, but the 80s had a way of ruining everything. Somewhere between SNL and Good Morning Vietnam one-liners gained the upper hand. Enter the “mama” joke and all variety of canned humor even more succinct than the discarded “joke”.
Seinfeld came to our rescue. He didn’t tell jokes or stories, and never delivered one-liners. He brought us “observational” comedy. The Seinfeld sitcom showed the power of this new form. But, like everything before it, observational comedy was just the latest formula, and it too has passed.
So what has replaced it? Scrubs, if I understand the humor at all, has found its formula in the unexpected and the random. It is not necessarily shock humor, it is just chaos. This is one of the current trends. Bring in a lot of stuff that makes no sense whatsoever and you have modern comedy. Malcom in the Middle used the same formula for kids and Arrested Development was for hipsters. (I am not a fan of any of these shows, so please inform me if I have misread the humor formula that makes these shows work). The Office is a little different, offering a new twist by capitalizing on awkward moments.
Even with all the change I think there are a few universal principals of humor.
1. Timing. In every form of comedy (except perhaps the one liner) timing is crucial. It is not just saying the right things, or saying them the right way, but delivering at the exact moment that makes a comedian go from common to great. Why is timing so crucial? I think it is like hitting the right pitch in music. You can do everything else right, but if you sing off key you will still be a terrible singer.
2. The unexpected helps. Most humor is based on causing trauma to the brain by getting it to think multiple thoughts and then sort them all out at once. For some reason we find this trauma pleasurable.
3. If not unexpected, it must be exquisite. Even a joke where you know the punch-line can be funny if told in the right way. Comedy is a delicate balance of subtleties in tone, body language, cantor, and impression. When done to perfection the performance itself will cause delight even when it has been seen before.
I am sure there is much more to say, but I have found myself intrigued lately at the trends that have developed in comedy. As a child I thought funny was funny. But today many people don’t find any humor at all in a classic routine like Who’s on First, and its not because they don’t get it. It’s that word-plays aren’t funny anymore (unless their innuendo which seems to have an enduring comedic effect). This helps explain the difference between American and British humor. We are as different in our comedy tastes as we are in our musical tastes. There is overlap yes, but we are riding a different trend so their will always be confusion.
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